She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
