Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
