I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
