I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
not ubering you a puppy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
