Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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