did you get engaged???
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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