Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
