Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
