she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
