I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
