So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
