tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
