Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
