And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She bit a glass in half.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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