he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
