she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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