God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
