Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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