jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
