Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
