why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
