I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
