This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
