You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
