Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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