i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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