You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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