he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
