I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
