How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
