it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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