In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
