: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
