so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
