Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
