Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
