Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
