Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He has the fingertips of a God
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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