did you get engaged???
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
