Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
