I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
