I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
