I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
