It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
