You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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