you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
