at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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