your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
