So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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