I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
