I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
