Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
