i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
