you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
